Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Son of Alcumus

When I consider the people who have played essential roles in my adult life – family, friends, professional colleagues and teachers – I can, with ease, narrow the list down to two people who have served, and continue to serve, as my most esteemed mentors.

One of these men is Edward Albee, the three-time Pulitzer prize winning playwright who unknowingly assumed the role of my mentor in 1998 when I first read his play Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Within a couple of months of that seminal moment I began writing plays myself and wound up in Valdez, Alaska, where I won my first playwriting award at the Edward Albee Last Frontier Theatre Conference. I went on to win the same award two years later and had the chance to meet the man himself, who took to my play and invited me to attend his classes at the University of Houston in the spring of 2001, which I did. Within a few months of that, I moved to New York City where Albee offered me jobs as his personal assistant and as secretary of his foundation – posts I have held for over 9 years.

My other mentor, and the one without whose guidance and encouragement I would not have begun to write plays (nor obviously have met Edward Albee, nor proceeded along the focused career path I am currently on) is Professor Perry F. Mills.

I met Perry Mills in the spring quarter of 1998, a few months after moving to Bellingham with the intention of matriculating as a creative writing student at Western Washington University. I quickly discovered that, due to the registration system’s tilt against transfer students, there was no room for me in any creative writing course in the English Department. Frustrated, I sought advice from my student counselor who recommended I try the theatre department. Skeptical, if as yet uncynical, I walked over to the PAC.

When I arrived to the first session of Playwriting 386, I noticed that a lively, larger-than-life guy in sweat pants and t-shirt stood center stage, greeting students with a jibe and exuberant grin. My first thought—no doubt aided by the enormous set of keys he had dangling somewhere on him—was that this was a friendly facilities-custodian [read: eccentric janitor] finalizing the room for the semester, kidding around with the theatre students he obviously knew quite well. What surprise when I discovered that this was the man set to lead the class.

If first impressions are to be both remembered vividly and taken with a grain of salt, one must imagine (and sympathize with) Professor Mills’ likely reaction to the purple-haired waif sitting in the back row. If he thought that he had some goofy young punk in his midst—someone out to waste his and the class’s time by avoiding work and sliding on to the next discardable hobby—he was dead wrong and would soon learn so. And if I thought I had some affable janitor in front of me I, too, would soon discover otherwise.

When Professor Mills asked that two students attempt the terrifying – to dare to write a short play by the next class session – which was met largely with blank stares and leaden hands, I can’t say I remember exactly why my own arm shot up to volunteer. What I can say, for certain, is that this planted seed grew in me so rapidly that within three months of this first day in Professor Mills’ class I was standing in Valdez, Alaska, being handed a framed certificate, and a check for $1000, thinking ”Holy shit, I can really do this.”

I went on, during my remaining years at Western – which concluded by my being designated the 2000 Graduate of the Year, the official awarding of which I requested Perry present, which he did with characteristic warmth, humor and, dare I say, unselfish pride in my accomplishments – to take every single class Perry taught. It was during one of these many courses -- the Greco-Roman Playwrights Course, as I remember it -- that I wrote a note to the man on a small scrap of paper which I may or may not have ever actually handed to him.

It said, simply:

”You are a magician. You take the realization of my own ignorance and transform it into a bright, burning anger before my eyes.

That anger was what I then transformed into initiative, ambition and fortitude—traits which have ceaselessly assisted me -- and continue to assist me -- through the tricky navigation of a tough professional theatre world. And it's pretty damned unlikely I would have ever discovered that precise alchemy on my own. This is what, to my mind, a mentor is for.

I write this as an addendum to my first post on this site and belatedly so, due to the exigencies inherent in living and working in one of the most ferociously consuming American cities. Better late than never, I suppose, and as thorough as I need it to be in order to set the stage for what I intend to talk about next.

Stay tuned. My hope -- as well-intentioned and four-lettered as anyone else's -- is that the next post will forward this story a bit further, and show up with a less severe gap in time than this one has.

Jakob is a professional playwright living in New York City, working as the assistant to a much more famous professional playwright also living in New York City whom you now know by name. He’s married to a woman whom he met at WWU over 11 years ago, who has managed to brainwash him as thoroughly as Perry Mills has, but somehow manages to be better looking if easier to kill.

Saturday, March 05, 2011

A touch more noise, or: "Hi, there"


Blogs are like microwaveable burritos. They’re ubiquitous, popular, unhealthy in even modest immoderation and totally unnecessary. Also, any fool can have one almost completely regardless of his or her financial status or education level.

And I don’t like them.

I don't like self-aggrandizement -- which is what a lot of blogs seem to be around for. That's why I've never had my own website or blog, still don't (never mind how much my career likely suffers from the lack). I don't like how off-topic most blogs seem to get. I don't like the aggressive, often insane rants that pop up in the comment strings. I don't like the word "blog", which is like a portmanteau in decline -- as if two syllables take that much more time to say than one (though I would love it if these things were called "bdiaries").

But I'm getting off-topic already.

When I was asked to begin contributing to this blog, I had to ask myself the same question I would if I were being offered a microwaveable burrito: why should I?

While my junk food camparison has lost all traction by this point, the questions begin to multiply.

For whom am I writing this?

Are they the same people who will read this?

Am I helping or hurting the subject by furthering public scrutiny?

Why should I add any more noise to this noisy and noisome web of a world?

And so on.

Obviously, when a blog is about oneself, these questions can be easily fobbed off with a glib answer, or never arrive in the mind at all. But when the blog is about someone else -- someone who wouldn’t ever have a blog himself -- the questions, if the blogger is a critical enough thinker, or ethical enough feeler, what have you, make themselves ever present.

Anyway. Short story long. I care a lot about the person behind this bizarre situation. I don't like blogs. However, what I dislike more than blogs is the weird and confused tone that the current conversation has adopted. So, here I am, a little more noise.

For the simple record:

I was a student of Perry Mills in the late 1990s.

I took every single class he had on offer.

The only reason I didn’t take more was because they were finite in number.

I owe him a debt of gratitude for saving my educational career.

I owe him a debt of gratitude for encouraging me along the road toward my professional one.

In the years since graduation, Perry has become a dear friend.

I think I can provide some background color to this terrible story that might offer, if nothing else, a little context.

In case any of these points triggers a response in the reader, such as:

He’s biased!

He won’t be objective!

He’s a Mills lover! He's brainwashed (if he has a brain at all) and can’t be trusted!

Well, I can only reply:

- Yes, I am biased. Done.

- I don’t believe in being objective here -- I’m neither a journalist nor a forensic lab technician -- I’m a friend and former student of a man who’s being vilified in a hysterical, runaway-train fashion; the accusations being made against him, and the reasons for his suspensions and the subsequent court cases have fallen well out of sync, especially in the comments of many people who seem to be half-heartedly following the story on various blogs, and I think I might at least offer a slightly more informed, slightly less hasty, somewhat less aggressive response to it all.

- Who among us is not "brainwashed" by the comments, suggestions, urgings, unfulfillable wishes, and comings and goings of the people we respect, appreciate, and love? If, indeed, "brainwash" is the appropriate word for it?

(And why should you trust me? You don't know me. If I sound untrustworthy -- don't.)

In the 12 years or so that I have known Professor Perry Mills, I have not agreed with, appreciated, nor digested every last thing he has said, done or cooked. Have I agreed with a great deal of it? Perhaps. Have I appreciated the majority of it? Certainly -- at least for the intention behind the actions. Have I digested with full gusto? I’ve tried, but the roasted garlic that one time really did me in.

Intention. I think that’s going to be the bottom line in any and all of my future posts here. I wish, if nothing else, to offer a chance to look in at the intentions at play within this story.

We don't prosecute intentions in this country, we prosecute the crime!

I'm not a prosecutor either. Add that to the list.

Intentions. Something worth examining, often overlooked when fear of the unknown comes in to play.

So, what are my own here? Or, back to the fundamental question or questions...

Why am I choosing to add my own voice to this noise? And for whom am I writing this stuff?

I hope that in successive posts that will be as clear to you as it is for me.



Jakob is a professional playwright living in New York City, working as the assistant to a much more famous professional playwright also living in New York City. He’s married to a woman whom he met at WWU 11 years ago, who has managed to brainwash him as thoroughly as Perry Mills has.

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Purpose of Education: "...to establish fixed habits of reaction to authority."


From a Harper's article by John Taylor Gatto:

[Alexander Inglis's 1918 book, Principles of Secondary Education] breaks down the purpose - the actual purpose - of modern schooling into six basic functions, any one of which is enough to curl the hair of those innocent enough to believe the three traditional goals listed earlier:

1) The adjustive or adaptive function. Schools are to establish fixed habits of reaction to authority. This, of course, precludes critical judgment completely. It also pretty much destroys the idea that useful or interesting material should be taught, because you can't test for reflexive obedience until you know whether you can make kids learn, and do, foolish and boring things.

2) The integrating function. This might well be called "the conformity function," because its intention is to make children as alike as possible. People who conform are predictable, and this is of great use to those who wish to harness and manipulate a large labor force.

3) The diagnostic and directive function. School is meant to determine each student's proper social role. This is done by logging evidence mathematically and anecdotally on cumulative records. As in "your permanent record." Yes, you do have one.

4) The differentiating function. Once their social role has been "diagnosed," children are to be sorted by role and trained only so far as their destination in the social machine merits - and not one step further. So much for making kids their personal best.

5) The selective function. This refers not to human choice at all but to Darwin's theory of natural selection as applied to what he called "the favored races." In short, the idea is to help things along by consciously attempting to improve the breeding stock. Schools are meant to tag the unfit - with poor grades, remedial placement, and other punishments - clearly enough that their peers will accept them as inferior and effectively bar them from the reproductive sweepstakes. That's what all those little humiliations from first grade onward were intended to do: wash the dirt down the drain.

6) The propaedeutic function. The societal system implied by these rules will require an elite group of caretakers. To that end, a small fraction of the kids will quietly be taught how to manage this continuing project, how to watch over and control a population deliberately dumbed down and declawed in order that government might proceed unchallenged and corporations might never want for obedient labor.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

"Perry Mills Quotes" on Facebook

Some enterprising student started a Facebook page of Perry Mills quotes.

"Student: "When did Citizen Kane come out?"
Mills: Citizen Kane is'nt Homosexual"

"The facuty wants to know what I do in my class and I say to them, 'What do I in class? I get naked and kill chickens, the students just don't notice'."

Thursday, February 17, 2011

This Shared Fiction (A Grudging Apologia)

In recent days a certain Rick Anderson from the Seattle Weekly has chosen to cite this blog on his own. In his post he supposedly makes an objective observation that Perry lost his case against WWU at the State Supreme Court level.

And due to the old adage that pictures speak 1000 words, and the newer one that 100 words without any pictures will go unread, he plucked a couple of images from our blog here to illustrate some kind of point.

The first image was of Perry's id card, which some of you will remember from the Feburary 21, 2008 post, reproduced below.




The second image Anderson chose was this one, from June 20, 2009:



Anderson describes this second image as being "from Mills' webpage", regardless of the facts that:

1. Mills does not have a webpage.

2. This is not Perry Mills' webpage.

3. This is a blog, started and maintained by former students of Perry Mills in support of his case.

4. This blog does not pretend to be an objective news site.

5. This blog has stated its bias in Perry Mills' favor both in clear wording (the very first post, for example, wherein Nick Johnson describes this as a "fan site") as well as its tone and, we be damned for it, its amplification of the ridiculous (the effectiveness of which, for those of you who find this blog desperately unfunny, has no bearing on the fact of its intention, which should be painfully clear to anyone spending any amount of time here.)

Anyhow, regardless of these facts, the larger fact -- that this image is not a photo of Perry Mills surrounded by guns, ammo and guitars (Mills does not own a single guitar as far as I know), but rather a composite image of some unknown fat guy with guns and guitars, and the exact same face from Mills' ID card pasted onto it -- is that this was intended as a simple joke.

Basically: Rick Anderson chose an image with 1000 words that had nothing to do with the outcome of a court case he was, supposedly, reporting on.

Hateful Thing Number 1: having to describe a joke. I hate doing this. Likely the majority of you folks reading this hate doing this, and hate when someone else does it. However, since this is beginning to spiral out of control, what with The Huffington Post now taking up the thread of Anderson's initial bad weaving of misidentified details, I decided that the lesser of two evils should occur.

When I put that photo together I did so in order to entertain the few (what I believed at the time to be roughly 5.6) people reading this page -- all of whom I imagined to be in sympathy with Perry Mills' situation -- because there was no news to share (the wheels of justice grind as slowly as that of academia) and all of them, I figured, would get the joke.

THE JOKE:

This entire story, in my humble opinion, shared by the equally humble opinions of the 5.6 people I envision when I think of the readership of this Brutal Battle Blog, began because of a moment of hysteria that has spun completely into the realm of absurdity. That hysteria was containted in the reaction of one student to a Playwriting Teacher taking out a knife in class in order to demonstrate the ending of a play in which a knife is taken out.

The photo of a fat man dressed in tight swimming trunks holding a gun was, to me, at the time, a wonderful tongue in cheek jab at the very hysteria that:

1. Began this awful chapter in Professor Mills' life

2. Ended up leading to people like Rick Anderson spreading more hysteria; The Huffington Post furthering it; godknows how many people planning to print t-shirts of it, etc.

I.e.: it was ironic. Not to be taken literally. How anyone with any actual journalistic credibility (sorry, Mr. Anderson, I know all of your fans out there have your award-saturated resume in hand to back you up) could have looked at that photo and decided that it was something to be used to illustrate the Perry Mills vs. WWU (and WWU vs. Perry Mills) story is beyond me.

As I pointed out in the oscillating comment string on Anderson's blog, he could have very well used the image I slapped together of Mills as the Robin Williams character in The Dead Poets Society. The identical Perry Mills face was used in that ironic image, too. However, using that photo wouldn't have propelled the hysteria.

Lastly (thankfully), I would like to add this:

Anyone interested in plucking images from this blog in order to represent the 1000 words you actually intend to write, please do so because you are writing a story about this blog and not about Perry Mills' court case.

And if you want to keep mirroring that silly gun-guy image in question, please do so because you want to write a story about how fat Perry Mills is. While that's not actually his body at all, Perry Mills is, indeed, a fat man. However, I think he may be even fatter than the loony in that photo. So, maybe you ought to just cut and paste Mills' head on another photo of a fatter man. That way you can squeeze 1001 words of your choice into the minds of your readers.

And please, do have a nice day.

Friday, February 04, 2011

Creatures of Law

The most disconcerting thing about the rule of law is, when you know personally that justice has not been done, to have lapdogs bring you the news with a smile.

These folks to the left, as soon as the Washington Supreme Court squirted out a verdict, were suddenly on the case, ready to report the tale told by their masters.

As were the News Tribune and Rick Anderson, an especially fervent PC zombie from the Seattle Weekly.

A+ for everyone! Two gold stars for extra credit! Keep smiling and we'll all get there!

Washington State Supreme Court Sides with WWU; Mills Loses

Supreme Court of the State of Washington

Docket Number: 83597-7
Title of Case: Mills v. W. Wash. Univ.
File Date: 02/03/2011
Oral Argument Date: 10/28/2010

SOURCE OF APPEAL
----------------
Appeal from Whatcom County Superior Court
06-2-02743-1
Honorable Steven J Mura

JUSTICES
--------
Barbara A. Madsen Signed Majority
Charles W. Johnson Signed Majority
Gerry L. Alexander Majority Author
Tom Chambers Signed Majority
Susan Owens Signed Majority
Mary E. Fairhurst Signed Majority
James M. Johnson Signed Majority
Debra L. Stephens Signed Majority
Charles K. Wiggins Did Not Participate
Richard B. Sanders,
Justice Pro Tem. Signed Majority

COUNSEL OF RECORD
-----------------

Counsel for Petitioner(s)
James Elliot Lobsenz
Carney Badley Spellman
701 5th Ave Ste 3600
Seattle, WA, 98104-7010

Counsel for Respondent(s)
Wendy Karen Bohlke
Attorney at Law
103 E Holly St Ste 310
Bellingham, WA, 98225-4728

Derek Edwards
Wash State Attorney General
800 5th Ave Ste 2000
Seattle, WA, 98104-3188

Amicus Curiae on behalf of Allied Daily Newspapers of Washi
Katherine George
Harrison Benis & Spence LLP
2101 4th Ave Ste 1900
Seattle, WA, 98121-2315

View the Opinion in PDF Format



IN THE SUPREME COURT OF THE STATE OF WASHINGTON

PERRY MILLS, )
) No. 83597-7
Respondent, )
)
v. ) En Banc
)
WESTERN WASHINGTON )
UNIVERSITY, )
)
Petitioner. )
________________________________) Filed February 3, 2011

ALEXANDER, J. -- We granted Western Washington University's (University) petition to review a decision of the Court of Appeals in which that court reversed the
superior court's denial of Perry Mills's request for relief from an order of the University's Board of Trustees suspending Mills for two academic quarters. The basis of the court's decision was that the University violated the Administrative Procedure Act (APA), chapter 34.05 RCW, by closing Mills's disciplinary hearing to the public. We reverse the Court of Appeals.

Perry Mills has been a professor at Western Washington University for more
than 20 years.1 In 1994, the University granted Mills tenure as an associate professor

1This section is based on the unchallenged findings of fact contained in the
decision and final order of the Board of Trustees. Unchallenged findings of fact are
in its Theatre Arts Department. In 1998, Mills's application for a promotion to full professor was denied based on the recommendation of Thomas Ward, the chair of the
Theatre Arts Department. In his recommendation against promotion, Ward noted that
Mills often berated and demeaned students and colleagues and had "an extremely high
student complaint rate." Clerk's Papers at 1461. Two years later, Mills received a
letter from the new department chair, Mark Kuntz, admonishing Mills for making "off-
color remarks" about colleagues, women, gay students, and minorities.

Kuntz reminded Mills that he was bound by the faculty code of ethics and concluded by
saying, "'Your behavior must change.'"

In September 2001, members of the theatre arts faculty and staff addressed a
letter to Bertil van Boer, the dean of the College of Fine and Performing Arts,
expressing their "'real and tangible fear' occasioned by Mills's carrying of a registered firearm and a large knife on campus and in the classroom, together with his belligerent rants about killing people who offended him." Id. at 1455. Following receipt of the letter, Dean van Boer advised Mills not to carry weapons on campus. At the same time, Kuntz sent Mills what Kuntz described as the "'third in a series of memos . . .concerning your behavior,'" stating, "'Your behavior scares people. You know it. Your repeated need to express your desire to 'kill' people is not appropriate, and will stop . . .[.] Your lack of sensitivity or care about the needs of students, staff, and colleagues must stop.'" Id. at 1461.
treated as verities on appeal. Tapper v. Emp't Sec. Dep't, 122 Wn.2d 397, 407, 858
P.2d 494 (1993).

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No. 83597-7

Mills's inappropriate behavior did not stop. In the fall of 2001, Mills told a female professor in the Theatre Arts Department that "she had better keep her legs closed, because she could not be expected to teach students the same way she got her
doctorate." Id. at 1445. Mills continued verbally abusing this professor over the next two years, calling her a "'bimbo'" and a "'slut'" to her face and to his students in her absence. Id. After the University granted tenure to this professor, she reported Mills's conduct to Dean Carol Edwards. Mills called another professor "'just a stupid faggot.'"

Id. at 1446. When that professor informed Mills that he would not tolerate his offensive language, Mills began referring to him as "'Precious'" in a lilting manner that mocked the professor's sexual orientation. Id.

Mills also disparaged members of the staff, telling the department's
administrative assistant, "'You're just a stupid bitch. You're just white trailer trash.'" Id. at 1447. On another occasion, Mills screamed at a library assistant who had failed to return a film to the library, "'You bitch, you screwed up,'" and then asked, "'Is she retarded?'" Id. at 1457. In addition, Mills verbally abused students in his classroom, especially female students, calling them "'shit for brains,' 'blondies,'" and "'f . . . ing lazy girl[s].'" Id. at 1456. He told one student that she was "'a 400-pound canary who warbles nothingness' and 'makes him sick.'" Id. In 2004, the dean of the College of Fine and Performing Arts, Carol Edwards, received a complaint from a student who had just returned to class after undergoing treatment for cancer. The student, who had lost her hair due to chemotherapy, expressed her reticence about presenting her play for

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No. 83597-7

review by the class. Mills told her that not offering her work for review would be just the same as dying from cancer.


After receiving complaints about the above-mentioned conduct, the University
provost suspended Mills with pay in October 2004 pending an investigation. The
provost subsequently issued a formal statement of charges against Mills. The
University then convened a hearing panel of five faculty members selected from the
Faculty Senate's Standing Committee on Grievances and Sanctions. Former superior court judge Robert Alsdorf, who was appointed to serve as a nonvoting presiding officer, indicated that "the default setting would be that the hearing would be private."

Id. at 324. As support for this decision, he cited section XVII.2.d of the University's Faculty Handbook, which provided, "The hearing will be private unless the Hearing Panel, in consultation with the Provost and only with the agreement of the faculty member, decides that the hearing should be public." Id. at 207, 323-24. Mills, who was represented by counsel, argued that the hearing should be open to the public. The panel decided to close the hearing and asked a newspaper reporter in attendance to depart.

At the conclusion of the hearing, the panel recommended that Mills be suspended without pay for two academic quarters. Mills appealed the decision to the
University's Board of Trustees, which affirmed the panel's recommendation. It concluded, among other things, that the hearing was properly closed pursuant to
section XVII.2.d of the University's Faculty Handbook, which the board regarded as a

4 No. 83597-7

"provision of law" for purposes of RCW 34.05.449(5).

Mills sought judicial review in the Whatcom County Superior Court pursuant to
the APA. See RCW 34.05.570. The superior court denied relief. Mills then appealed
directly to this court, but we transferred the case to the Court of Appeals. At that court, Mills argued variously that the University had breached the terms of his employment contract, that the Faculty Code of Ethics was unconstitutionally vague, that his freedom of speech had been abridged, and that the closure of his disciplinary hearing had been unlawful. Mills v. W. Wash. Univ., 150 Wn. App. 260, 264, 208 P.3d 13 (2009).

Although the Court of Appeals rejected Mills's contract and constitutional claims, it held that the University violated the APA by closing Mills's hearing to the public. It, therefore, reversed the University's disciplinary order and remanded for a new hearing. Mills and the University both petitioned this court for review. We denied Mills's petition and granted the University's petition. Mills v. W. Wash. Univ., 167 Wn.2d 1020,

225 P.3d 1011 (2010).

Allied Daily Newspapers of Washington and the Washington Newspaper Publishers Association jointly filed a brief as amicus curiae in support of Mills.

II

The APA governs judicial review of agency orders in adjudicative proceedings.

Densley v. Dep't of Ret. Sys., 162 Wn.2d 210, 216, 173 P.3d 885 (2007). RCW

34.05.570(3) provides, in pertinent part:

The court shall grant relief from an agency order in an adjudicative
proceeding only if it determines that:

5

No. 83597-7

. . . .
(c) The agency has engaged in unlawful procedure or decision-
making process, or has failed to follow a prescribed procedure."[2]

III

A. Did the University engage in an unlawful procedure or decision-making
process by closing Mills's disciplinary hearing to the public?

The APA requires agency hearings to be "open to public observation, except for
the parts that the presiding officer states to be closed under a provision of law
expressly authorizing closure." RCW 34.05.449(5). The APA also states that, as an
"'[i]nstitution[] of higher education,'" the University is an "'[a]gency.'" RCW

34.05.010(7), (2). Because the University based its decision to close Mills's

2The full text of RCW 34.05.570(3) is as follows:
"Review of agency orders in adjudicative proceedings. The court shall grant
relief from an agency order in an adjudicative proceeding only if it determines that:
"(a) The order, or the statute or rule on which the order is based, is in violation of
constitutional provisions on its face or as applied;
"(b) The order is outside the statutory authority or jurisdiction of the agency
conferred by any provision of law;
"(c) The agency has engaged in unlawful procedure or decision-making process,
or has failed to follow a prescribed procedure;
"(d) The agency has erroneously interpreted or applied the law;
"(e) The order is not supported by evidence that is substantial when viewed in
light of the whole record before the court, which includes the agency record for judicial
review, supplemented by any additional evidence received by the court under this
chapter;
"(f) The agency has not decided all issues requiring resolution by the agency;
"(g) A motion for disqualification under RCW 34.05.425 or 34.12.050 was made
and was improperly denied or, if no motion was made, facts are shown to support the
grant of such a motion that were not known and were not reasonably discoverable by
the challenging party at the appropriate time for making such a motion;
"(h) The order is inconsistent with a rule of the agency unless the agency
explains the inconsistency by stating facts and reasons to demonstrate a rational basis
for inconsistency; or
"(i) The order is arbitrary or capricious."

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No. 83597-7

disciplinary hearing to the public on section XVII.2.d of its Faculty Handbook, the
question before us is whether that rule is a "provision of law" within the meaning of

RCW 34.05.449(5).

This court has said that a "'rule has the force and effect of law, if promulgated in accordance with a legislative delegation.'" Manor v. Nestle Food Co., 131 Wn.2d 439,

445, 932 P.2d 628 (1997) (quoting 2 Am. Jur. 2d Administrative Law § 160, at 182

(1994)). Significantly, the legislature has authorized institutions of higher education to establish rules governing peer review proceedings. The pertinent statute, RCW 28B.10.648(2), provides, in part, that "[p]eer review proceedings shall be pursuant to rules and regulations promulgated by the respective institutions of higher education." It is undisputed that Mills's hearing before a panel of his fellow professors was a "peer review proceeding."

The Court of Appeals determined, however, that the University's rule authorizing the closure of faculty disciplinary hearings was not a "provision of law" because the APA's definition of "'Rule'" specifically excludes the "rules of institutions of higher education involving . . . employment relationships." RCW 34.05.010(16). In other words, according to the Court of Appeals, a rule must fall within the APA's definition of "'Rule'" to have the force of law. Mills, 150 Wn. App. at 277-78.

This neat dichotomy between "Rules" with a capital "R," which have the force of
law, and second-rate rules, which do not have the force of law, finds no support in our
jurisprudence. Rather, as the University points out, the paramount consideration is

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No. 83597-7

whether the rule (or regulation, order, directive, or policy) was promulgated pursuant to legislative delegation. Indeed, in State v. Brown, 142 Wn.2d 57, 62, 11 P.3d 818
(2000), we said, "To have the force of law, an administrative regulation must be
properly promulgated pursuant to a legislative delegation." In keeping with that principle, we held that, because the Department of Corrections (DOC) had promulgated its list of "serious infraction[s]" pursuant to the wrong statute, the regulation in question lacked the force of law.3 Id. at 61. We explained that "[a]gencies are creatures of law and are required to promulgate regulations pursuant to the statute or statutes authorizing them." Id. at 62; see also Joyce v. Dep't of Corr., 155 Wn.2d 306, 323, 119 P.3d 825 (2005) ("because the Department's policy directives are not promulgated pursuant to legislative delegation, they do not have the force of law").

Our focus on legislative delegation is consistent with the United States Supreme
Court's decision in Chrysler Corp. v. Brown, 441 U.S. 281, 99 S. Ct. 1705, 60 L. Ed. 2d 208 (1979). In that case, the Court explained that, in order to have the force and effect of law, a regulation "must be rooted in a grant of . . . power by the Congress and subject to limitations which that body imposes." Id. at 302. The Court went on to say that "[w]hat is important is that the reviewing court reasonably be able to conclude that the grant of authority contemplates the regulations issued." Id. at 308.43 Notably, the APA does not apply to the DOC, RCW 34.05.030(1)(c), but our
decision in Brown, 142 Wn.2d 57, did not rest on the exclusion of DOC regulations
from the APA's definition of "Rule," but on the DOC's failure to promulgate its regulation pursuant to legislative delegation. See Brown, 142 Wn.2d at 61-62.

4When the legislature enacted the current APA in 1988, it expressed its intent

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No. 83597-7

Thus, the question becomes whether section XVII.2.d of the University's Faculty
Handbook was promulgated pursuant to legislative delegation. As we have seen, the
legislature has provided that "[p]eer review proceedings shall be pursuant to rules and regulations promulgated by the respective institutions of higher education." RCW
28B.10.648(2). More broadly, the legislature has granted the "board of trustees of . . .regional universities" the authority to "promulgate such rules and regulations . . . as the board . . . may in its discretion deem necessary or appropriate to the administration of the regional university." RCW 28B.35.120(12). We conclude that these grants of authority contemplate a regulation such as section XVII.2.d of the University's Faculty Handbook directing that faculty disciplinary hearings be closed to the public.

Our conclusion is bolstered by legislative history. In its summary of Substitute
House Bill 915, which became RCW 28B.10.648, the House Committee on Higher
Education said, "Peer review procedures shall be conducted privately under rules
adopted by the institution." 1984 Final Legislative Report, 48th Wash. Leg., at 48 (emphasis added).5 We are satisfied that the University's rule authorizing the closure that courts would "interpret provisions of this chapter consistently with decisions of other courts interpreting similar provisions of other states, the federal government, and model acts." RCW 34.05.001.

5When the legislature enacted RCW 28B.10.648, the APA did not include
institutions of higher education in its definition of "agency." They were made subject to the APA in 1988. William R. Andersen, The 1988 Washington Administrative Procedure Act -- An Introduction, 64 Wash. L. Rev. 781, 786 (1989). Although the legislature indicated that one of its purposes in enacting the current APA in 1988 was to "provide greater public access . . . to administrative decision making," it went on to say that, "to the greatest extent possible and unless this chapter clearly requires otherwise, current agency practices . . . shall remain in effect." RCW 34.05.001
(emphasis added). Thus, the legislature's decision to include institutions of higher

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No. 83597-7

of faculty disciplinary proceedings is consistent with legislative intent. Because section XVII.2.d of the University's Faculty Handbook was promulgated pursuant to legislative delegation, we hold that it is a "provision of law" expressly authorizing closure within the meaning of RCW 34.05.449(5). The University, therefore, did not engage in an unlawful procedure by closing Mills's disciplinary hearing to the public.6

B. Does article I, section 10 of the Washington Constitution apply to
faculty disciplinary proceedings?

Mills contends that, even if the closure of his disciplinary hearing was pursuant to a provision of law, it ran afoul of article I, section 10 of the Washington Constitution, which says, "Justice in all cases shall be administered openly, and without unnecessary delay." We have recognized that, "by its terms," article I, section 10 "is not limited to trials but includes all judicial proceedings." Federated Publ'ns, Inc. v. Kurtz, 94 Wn.2d

51, 60, 615 P.2d 440 (1980). The question is whether it also applies to the quasi-
judicial proceedings conducted by administrative agencies.

In Washington Water Jet Workers Ass'n v. Yarbrough, 151 Wn.2d 470, 477, 90
P.3d 42 (2004), we said, "When interpreting constitutional provisions, we look first to the plain language of the text and will accord it its reasonable interpretation. . . . The words of the text will be given their common and ordinary meaning, as determined at education under the APA did not signal a rejection of the policies embodied in RCW 28B.10.648.

6We note that, even if the University had engaged in an unlawful procedure,
Mills would not have been entitled to relief unless he could have shown that he was
"substantially prejudiced" by the closure of his disciplinary hearing to the public.
Densely, 162 Wn.2d at 226.

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No. 83597-7

the time they were drafted." (Citations omitted.) In keeping with this approach, we note that, when article I, section 10 was drafted, the word "case" was defined as "In law: a cause or suit in court; any instance of litigation; as the case was tried last term," Suppl. Br. of Resp't at 17 (emphasis added) (quoting 1 The Century Dictionary 840 (1889)), or "A general term for an action, cause, suit, or controversy, at law or in equity. A question contested before a court of justice." Id. (emphasis added) (quoting 1 Henry Campbell Black, A Dictionary of Law 175 (1891)). The Framers, it seems, had only the courts within the judicial branch in mind when they spoke of the administration of "justice in all cases."

Amicus cites Bellingham Bay Improvement Co. v. City of New Whatcom, 20

Wash. 53, 54 P. 774, aff'd, 20 Wash. 231, 55 P. 630 (1898), for the proposition that

"justice in all cases" embraces the quasi-judicial proceedings conducted by

administrative agencies. In Bellingham Bay, we held that a statute that authorized city councils to reassess property did not violate article IV, section 1 of the Washington Constitution, which vests the "judicial power" of the State in a supreme court, superior courts, justices of the peace, and such inferior courts as the legislature may provide. In so holding, we said that "this article of the constitution must have been enacted with the knowledge that quasi judicial powers have from time immemorial been conferred upon administrative bodies and officers." Id. at 58 (emphasis added). Amicus asserts that the authors of the state constitution knew that administrative bodies, as well as courts, exercised the power to determine the rights of citizens and, for that reason, "justice in

11

No. 83597-7

all cases" must be read as applying to quasi-judicial proceedings, as well as the
proceedings of the judicial branch.

Bellingham Bay does not, in our judgment, support this reading of the state
constitution. The whole point of that decision was that the term "judicial power" in article IV, section 1 did not embrace the quasi-judicial power exercised by administrative and executive bodies, even though the drafters of the state constitution knew that such power had been exercised from "time immemorial." Since the exercise of quasi-judicial power was not embraced by the term "judicial power" in article IV, section 1, there is no reason to assume that it was meant to be embraced by the term "justice in all cases" in article I, section 10. This is especially true given that the great flowering of administrative agencies occurred long after the ratification of the constitution. Furthermore, decisions from the period following the proliferation of administrative agencies indicate that the "stage" at which justice is "'administered' and therefore constitutionally required to be open" is not reached until a superior court reviews the action of an administrative agency on appeal. Cohen v. Everett City

Council, 85 Wn.2d 385, 389, 535 P.2d 801 (1975). We conclude, therefore, that article I, section 10 does not apply to the quasi-judicial proceedings of administrative agencies.

Conclusion

We hold that the University did not violate the APA or article I, section 10 of the
Washington Constitution by closing Mills's disciplinary hearing to the public.

12

No. 83597-7

Therefore, we reverse the Court of Appeals.

13

No. 83597-7

AUTHOR:

Justice Gerry L. Alexander

WE CONCUR:

Chief Justice Barbara A. Madsen Justice Mary E. Fairhurst

Justice Charles W. Johnson Justice James M. Johnson

Justice Debra L. Stephens

Justice Tom Chambers Richard B. Sanders, Justice Pro
Tem.
Justice Susan Owens

14

Sunday, January 24, 2010

In Short: So Long

So. First off, it's been a pleasure. For you, for me, for the internet, the banks, the matrix, whomever.

That said, the internet being a dynamic place, rather than static, supposedly, changes must be made.

For one: me. As much fun as I've had over the past 4 years or so, trying to keep the 4.6 of you who check in on this page updated, it's time for some new blood to be transfused so that some newer blood might be shed. So, after this post my time at The Brutal Battle will all but come to a complete close. Or at least I shall join you as spectator, rather than instigator or altercator. I'll be a veritable couch-per-tator. The blog, in other words, will still be here, of course, with a new mast at its head. He/She will make itself known to you soonly. So it is written, etc.

For two: mmmmm...there is no "two". There can be only one. That's it.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Every time we say goodbye, I die a little.

Don't smile because it's over; cry because it happened.

Cheers, all,

J. Buckley Sykes

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Love Him or Leave Him, No, We're Not Paying Them


More students speak out on Perry's bequarter (because behalf would be construed as too biased):

10/22/09: I love Perry Mills. He is a critical thinker who tries to teach us publicy-educated-numskulls how to critically think. Political correctness isn't on his agenda. Your eduaction is. Besides, he's hilarious. He's a man who would choose freedom over security--because having both is impossible. TAKE HIS CLASS, YOU WON'T REGRET IT.

9/8/09: God bless Perry Mills. Perry is, without a doubt, one of the best profs that I had at WWU. I loved his class-- especially watching his no-nonsense approach with elitist snobs.

9/1/09: Someone needs to make a documentary about Perry Mills. He probably should be teaching at a better university to a different audience. His style is very interactive and engaging, but he's only a great teacher if he's got students that want to learn something. Better than Robin Williams in Dead Poet's Society.

(Typos left intact to prove that these are authentic students).

From ratemyprofessor.com

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Midsummer Night's Induced Coma


Going off-line for a month

See you'se all mooks in 30 days, give or take (you give, I'll take).

With great hope, absolutely nothing of value, interest, or portent will take place over the next 4 weeks. Of course, should something of value, interest, or portent take place, I trust you'll hunt it, grab it, nail it, skin it, kiss it, kill it, and shove an apple in its beak for the grand return.

It's summer, people: get a nice sultry photo of Mills in his swammin' trunks holding a glock, so we have something to show for when it's really hot and muggy.

Or, wait, nevermind, here you go:



have a nice day.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Cancer = Death; Death = Silence; Silence = ?


No doubt one of--if not the--most emotionally charged points against Mills is his statement to a student who had returned to his class after arriving at a miraculous remission of her cancer. The debate as to his conduct here has to do with (at least) two variations on whatever actual comment he made. Here is a paraphrasing of the alleged intents:

1. Because you choose not to put up your work for public scrutiny in my class as promised, I wish you had died of cancer.

2. Because you choose not to put up your work for public scrutiny in my class as promised, your participation has become null and void, much as death would have rendered you, much as your now seemingly vanquished cancer would have allowed.

It's this heaty distinction that makes me glad for any time that a media outlet chooses a phrasing more in line with the way that Perry Mills actually approaches the nature of scholarship and that terrible immortality-allowant pursuit we call art. So, while this piece does mitigate the nature of the quote by insisting it is "Mills' version", rather than that of, I don't know, the more objective clan fist-raising for his head on a spike, here we have from insidehighered.com:

Drama Professor's Barbs Debated at Western Washington

A recent Washington State appeals court ruling has forced Western Washington University once again to debate the comments of Perry Mills, a drama professor accused of repeatedly making bullying or abusive remarks to students and faculty members, The Seattle Times reported. The appeals court did not fault the decision of a university panel to suspend Mills for two quarters without pay, but the court found that by not opening the hearing to the public, the university violated the professor's rights. The Times article looks at how Mills is seen by some as a powerful instructor and by others as a bully. At faculty meetings, Mills allegedly called his colleagues "idiots," "maggots" and "the usual." In one incident where his words are in dispute, he criticized a student recovering from chemotherapy who was hesitant to present her work in class. In Mills' version, he said, "If you don't put up your work, it's just as if you died of cancer and aren't here at all."

Because it's just so much fun to weed through comments, let's hear your own. Look at that quote. Do you make sense of it more in line with my previous paraphrase #1 or previous paraphrase #2?

Now please enjoy these immortal anecdotes:

What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.

-- Albert Pine, English author, died 1851

Immortality is not a gift, Immortality is an achievement; And only those who strive mightily Shall possess it.”

-- Edgard Lee Masters, American poet, died 1950

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

-- Woody Allen, New York filmmaker, died sometime between Hannah and her Sisters and Manhattan Murder Mystery

Friday, June 12, 2009

Another Former Student: Some of us Mills folk are doing just fine, thanks!

An op-ed letter written to the Seattle Times' Online Letters to the Editor section by a former Mills student, attesting to the eventual successes of people like himself--those who entered Mills' classes and came out the other end wholly intact and ready for more!

WWU professor under fire

Many former students doing well

The article about Western Washington University drama professor Perry Mills was woefully one-sided ["Professor says he provokes, but others call it abusive." page one, June 9]. The reporter failed to interview students who are supportive of Mills, of which there are many.

Theatre is an extremely difficult business, yet WWU students have had great success in part due to Mills. Below is a short list of former students of Mills who have worked professionally in theater:

Braden Abraham, associate artistic director at Seattle Rep (and frequent director of shows there and elsewhere);

Alycia Delmore, longtime local actress who recently appeared in "Hump Day," which was an award winner at Sundance;

Barzin Akhavan, professional actor who has been featured in plays across the country including Seattle Rep, San Jose Rep and is currently starring in the play adaptation of "Kite Runner";

Galen Joe Osier, local actor who recently starred in "Crime & Punishment" at Intiman Theatre;

Jon Lutyens, local Seattle actor;

Jason Martin, published playwright.

And that's just off the top of my head. These are not English/psychology/education majors who took a theater class here and there. These are theater majors who had Mills as a professor in multiple classes. They are working professionals.

I humbly suggest you interview one of them, or myself. I spent eight years as a professional actor/director. Please do your research before defaming a professor without the whole story.

-- Jan van Amerongen, Class of 1998, BA Theatre Arts, Seattle

Read this piece in its native home and the usual ancillary blog-opinions here.

If you--or anyone you know of--has sailed on Mills' scholar ship and are doing "just fine, actually" or even better, let us know!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Former Student to WWU President: Mills Made Me A Man--Be One Yourself!


June 10, 2009

Bruce Shepard
President
Western Washington University


Dear Dr. Shepard,

I am writing an open letter to you today regarding Professor Perry Mills. I am deeply troubled and still somewhat ashamed by the University's conduct toward Professor Mills, and the vast misunderstanding that fuels his detractors' purpose. Their familiar refrain states that Professor Mills engages in slanderous, offensive behavior, cares little for his student population, and seeks self-affirmation through their abuse. Besides being baseless and hyper-reactionary, these emotional appeals cloud a broader, more important issue: what are the fiscal obligations of the university to its students, and why are these pseudo-issues employed to hide the fact that thousands of dollars in student funds were stolen and misappropriated? Must we all idly watch while a court ruling specifically cites the Theatre Department Chair for this action, even though the now-overturned judge erroneously stated that the university had not engaged in embezzlement because the records they kept of the stolen funds (!) were not falsified? Professor Mills opened himself to censure by insisting that the university uphold the trust of tuition-paying students. The more I read and hear of this escapade, the more saddened I am at Western's refusal to address the issue, thereby forgiving the perpetrators of this pathetic disgrace.

This meddlesome disgust pales in comparison to the largest question you must answer: the function of your university in the academic world. The course of a true college student is hazardous; every premise begotten to us by our parents in our most formative years is questioned and examined, and ethical questions are answered in ways that elementally change us as individuals. This is how it should be. True scholarship is not a sport or a pastime; it is a disciplined adherence to the practice of questioning ideas and beliefs (political, sociological, empirical or otherwise) until those ideas and beliefs are found to be true or false. Professor Mills' invective, which I rarely saw in the three years in which I insisted on attending at least one of his classes every quarter, was saved for those who would not engage the material, and who refused the tools of learning that Mills so ardently offered on a daily basis. To these people, Professor Mills offered a clear choice: think and create or disappear.

I have never witnessed a single event in which Professor Mills derided a student for being wrong as long as that student made an effort to think about the subject at hand. Even when presented with student-written plays that most people would find pathologically perverse, Mills questioned his students' motives within their work rather than impeaching their values. Mills also made certain that his students perform and test their work, and encouraged student works zealously while his colleagues bestowed leading roles in college plays upon themselves, thus preventing students from honing their tools through practice. These tools--inductive and deductive reasoning, avid passion for scholarship, practice, and ceaseless, pointed questioning--have proven invaluable to me as a man and as a member of society.

As a new legal and public hearing nears on this subject, you have a clear choice ahead of you as the President of WWU. Will you endorse your academic principles and demand that your students behave as scholars who engage the coursework and seek true higher learning, or will you adopt the position that your students be treated as fragile and that their feelings and comfort be given primary concern, even at the cost of scholarship?

I submit to you as a graduate of WWU that no scholar will find comfort in anything less than the pursuit of knowledge. Only a non-student--an anti-intellectual--will ask that their feelings be regarded above the development of their mind. Dorothy Sayers wrote: "For the sole true end of education is simply this; to teach men how to learn for themselves; and whatever instruction fails to do this is effort spent in vain." Professor Mills' teaching style exemplifies Ms. Sayers' concept of scholarship. To fulfill this aim, we need courageous, eager students and professors who do not dull their pedagogical methods to validate a student population that refuses to engage the scholastic method.

Nearly a decade later, the reason I happily pay installments on my student loan is that Professor Mills alone made my tuition worth every penny: he refused to teach me what to think, and taught me how to think instead.

Sincerely yours,

Rick Banuelos
WWU Class of 2000
cc:
Seattle Times
Gov. Christine Gregoire
Seattlepi.com
Bellingham Herald
Perry F. Mills
The Western Front

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Modern Journalism: Bair and Falanced

So the Seattle Times didn't get the photo wrong as previously predicted (Perry really does look like that when he's crammed into a Lynchian hallway with a harsh perspective and ferociously ethereal lighting)--instead they got the facts of the story wrong. Hooray for the vacuous lickspittles of modern journalism!

"The university's action was upheld May 26 by a state appeals court, except for one costly flaw: The court ruled the whole process must start over again because Mills' disciplinary hearing was closed to the public."

Of course, as all ye faithful readers remember--and the Goode Apostle Paul de Armond was quick to point out--the university's Aktion was overturned and not upheld. But really, isn't overturned just a synonym for upheld? As in "Molly invented the applepine downside-up cake by using a recipe she got from the Seattle Times, having accidentally upheld the paper in an overturned manner."

Reed it yore shelf here:

Seattle Times: Is WWU drama professor provocative, or an abusive bully?

Demand a retraction if you prefer your fiction left to cable TV news media... Otherwise, subscribe.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

2.5 DECADES LATER--GROWNUP STUDENT(s) WAKE FROM TRANCE: PERRY MILLS WAS SOMETHING ELSE--AND WASN'T NO BREEZE!


This rare bit of hindsight from Rate My Professor, the generally insipid academic water cooler of undergraduate revenge:

"I took Perry Mill's classes in 1985 at Western. I found my thoughts drifting to him today. I did not appreciate Perry at the time. Twenty Four years later, I do! I've grown up and know what was going on in his classes now. Pay attention and show respect. What you perceive as rudeness may actually be something else."

An update! Another student from the days of yore speaks out!

"I had Perry as a Prof for a Theater/Arts film class back in '84. I thought I could breeze in and scoop up an A. Wrong! Perry didn't let anyone breeze through anything. He actually demanded me to think and when I resisted he goaded, challenged, berated me into at least trying. I respect the hell out of the man and consider him a damn good professor."

Read these and slightly less ancient opinions at: RateMyProfessor.com/PerryMills

BRUTAL BATTLE BANNER GOES VIRAL!

This just in from Paul de Armond:

This ought to get us a whole shitsmear of unwanted foot traffic! Excellent.

If you're new to us here at Brutal Battle: say hi.

And remember: BE NICE. We're all about NICE here. Just like Perry himself.

There's also a rumor going around that a plane will be towing a similar banner over the heads of all the pretty graduates during commencement on Saturday, June 13th. If you're in the Bellingham area, race over to campus, look up and snap a shot or two of the plane. Then send your photos along to perryfmills@yahoo.com for immediate publication here...

News Aggregator

Little is ever as simple as it seems. Big is even less simple.

So, in honor of the girth of this situation, and its lack of simplicity, here are several links to articles that manage, through careful wording, to sway the timbre of recent news to imply that Dear Professor is still really the one at fault here.

If you have the stomach for it, you can also read the simpering cesspit of local opinion. There's little as enjoyable as slogging through the opinions of people who have no background facts to get in their precious way. There's big as enjoyable as that, too.

Bellingham Herald: WWU Professor disciplined for abusive remarks to get new hearing

Seattle P.I.: New discipline hearing ordered for WWU professor

Western Front: Previously suspended professor gets new hearing

All three rather redundant, but we're trying to be Perry completists here...

Now for all you lawyers out there chasing this particular ambulance:

courthousenewsservice.com: Suspended professor entitled to new hearing

That one got the facts wrong and the fictions boring. So here's:

northwesteducationlaw.com: Suspended WWU professor is entitled to a new hearing

(Note: Mills is entitled to a new hearing, this was not forced upon him as the other headlines seem to suggest--amazing that it took two law sites to word the thing properly)

And then our own frequent guest contributor and stalwart yeoman or centurion or whatever, Paul de Armond (to whom thanks goes for two of the above links) also has this piece on offer, which thoughtfully spells out the steps in the offensive timeline starting with Mills shining light on misappropriated students funds to the point where then-department-chair Mark Kuntz had him fired to just about where we are now:

Northwest Citizen: The Fall of the West(ern): Perry Mills gets a new roll in the barrel

And now the coupe de grace: this essential, quite thorough piece written by a former student (and to which Paul contributed). Definitely worth your reading (not least for the fact that this article seems to be the only one for laymen, rather than lawmen, which sports a headline implying that Mills has earned a new hearing and is not having one foisted upon him against his wishes):

Cascadia Weekly: SAVAGED BY SHEEP - WWU professor disciplined for abusive style earns a new hearing

Word from the Big Man himself has just arrived in Ye Olde Snail Mail that a Seattle Times photog is on the way to get his visage wrong for their upcoming spread. Stay tuned for those results...

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

WIN -- WIN -- WIN -- WIN -- WIN -- WIN -- WIN


Voicemail from Youknowwho...

"I won the lawsuit against the University! They have to rescind everything and give me all my lawyer fees... Dancing in the streets, baby..."

There's the emotional shot in the arm you were all looking for, those of you who have stood in line long enough to receive it...

Enjoy.

J. Buckley Sykes

Monday, May 11, 2009

Mills in the Box

So, WWU finally woke up to the fact that Perry really is back on campus teaching small people how to think big (and likely getting hurt in the process.) They've heeded our universal demand for Mills to be featured (or included at all, really) on their Theatre Department Faculty Webpage. (He's not allowed in the real-life, uncyber Performing Arts Center itself, but that's a privilege hardly worth the battle.)

How the swine got beat back from their weird stance that Perry is not technically a member of the Theatre Department Faculty--disregarding his course load, which is comprised of only theatre classes--and so could be excluded, is at this point unknown to us. If any of you out there in Brutal Battle Land know the scoop, fill us in. And those who may have helped that along after reading the Back to School! post in Sept., 2008, many thanks for speaking up.

Anyhow, since the Good Professor is doing his goshdarndest to get his young charges to wax beyond the box, the only intelligent response is to stick him back in one.

If you've actually invested the time (roughly 8 seconds) to read the official Mills Bio on the WWU site, I'm sure you had a chuckle or three at the occasional Millsism that managed to slip past the censor's loupe and stamp. But since this post is unofficial, and we don't believe in scrubbing the planet clean with sweat, blood and bleach like the sh*t s*cking f*ckn*ts at Western, we thought it might be fun to offer the four alternate (and mostly longer) versions Perry wrestled with before arriving at the one that steals only 92 words worth of power away from his headshot, which we reproduce here:

1. (74 words) - Perry F. Mills teaches (read: taught) Aesthetics, Film, Dramatic Literature, Playwriting and patience. His book on film studies is in the library and out of print. During the past five years he has been on a picaresque adventure, details @ [he lists this blog's URL, which would be self-indulgent and perilous to the space-time continuum to actually re-link to here] and he is currently enjoying a unique relationship with his cohort. Take a class with him if you want to sample academic diversity. He's not good looking, but he's hard to kill.

Okay, so far so good. Not a whole lot to split hairs over (or the nits in them). I can easily imagine the reasons WWU ended up excising the link to our blog since they're a festering stool sample of cowardliness (though they'd probably cite something like "impartiality maintenance".) But on to the other #2.

2. (101 words) - Perry F. Mills applies the Socratic method to the sedate study of Film, Aesthetics, Composition and Dramatic Literature when he is not basking in the glow of his unique relationship with his cohort. His film text Simply Cinema is in the library and out of print. His playwriting students have won many awards and are currently in production in NYC and London. He has no outstanding warrants for his arrest and is expected to live out the year. For details and extrapolated blandishments, check out the website [again he lists our URL]. He's not good looking but he's hard to kill.

Okay, maybe that one is a little rambly. And since WWU is all about advertising (I wonder do they still have giant Coke ad banners manning every door of the PAC like Imperial Guards or Swastika Tapestries?) it's no surprise that the marketing mavens saw the word "sedate", looked for it here between "Security Needs" and "Segment Transcriptors", saw that the word doesn't *actually exist*, and cleansed it. I assume they suffered similar ados about "extrapolated blandishments." (Is anyone else wondering about this "cohort" and the nature of this "relationship"? No? Good, that means you appreciate privacy which is odd for someone currently on the internet. Moving on...)

3. (118 words) Perry F. Mills has been herding yuppie larvae for the state since 1980, except for a five-year break suggested by his cohort. His methods are viewed with suspicion by the "Exceptional" and the dull. He is so esteemed by his peer group [sic] that he is excused from the onerous duties of attending faculty meetings and entering the Performing Arts Center. He is a known whistle-blower and has been suspected of various fabricated lies currently on view @ [us, here, now]. He cannot be trusted to cover-up corporate crime and the popular Ponzi-scheme you are planning, so don't tell him about such. Get out of his way and let him do the work.

Oh, shit, I think I get who the "cohort" is now. Sorry, I's a touch slow. Alma-mater Syndrome.

4. (159 words) Perry F. Mills was hired by the founder of the C.F.P.A. (William Gregory) to further the Liberal Arts component of the Fine and Performing Arts curriculum. For 30 years he has espoused a standard and a style which is a challenge to those who have neither, has endured duress and insult from palace politicians and criminal maladroits, and has maintained the highest expectations in the face of compromise and Philistinism. If you wish to take a class from a scholar cast in the traditional mold, take his classes; if you want to slide by on an unexamined sinecure, avoid him. This is no joke: sit up straight, get serious and explore diversity in Academia before it vanishes forever down the drain of mollycoddling and dreck that characterizes the courses you complain about when you "get real" with friends. The choice is yours; can you afford to take it easier than you already do? Get busy...

- Palace Politicians and Criminal Maladroits
- The Face of Compromise and Philistinism
- An Unexamined Sinecure
- The Drain of Mollycoddling
- The Drain of Mollycoddling and Dreck

Which of these wouldn't you like to see as the title of the film that will inevitably get made about this brutal battle??? I think the whole marketing department quit and created a version of Cirque du Soleil in Afghanistan after reading this one.

So...vote on which one you like the best! Or better yet, compose one of your own and if I get enough responses to not have it seem like a desperate plea for further flogging of a dead horse, I'll re-post them in a new post and thereby create a Bio-Feedback Post Loop!

Or better yet go read something more 'ducational...

Now where's that Molly when you need some coddling?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Simple Facism!

Raise your hand if you knew that Perry Mills was a published author.

Now raise your hand if you knew that Perry Mills was an out of print published author.

Now raise it if you knew that anyone ever read that book before (or after) it went out of print.

Now quit sieg-heiling, because you look like a "facist".

Two reviews of Simply Cinema by Perry F Mills, further showing how evenly divided this tiny world is on Dear Professor:
Customer Reviews
Write an online review and share your thoughts with other customers.

1 stars out of 5 Simply Facist
Perry F. Mills. What can be said?
There is no wondering why Mills loves his cinema so much - he has completely lost all sense of reality. Frankly, his views terrified me. And I mean, terrified. I wonder how people with such twisted, ignorant, and may I say ARROGANT views even achieve published status. It is laughable that he even has one positive review to his name. He waxes facist but seems to be unsure of himself; his Marxist outbursts make me tremble and even the most amateur of political science students can tell you that they are on the complete opposite ends of the ideaology spectrum. Don't pick up this book expecting to learn more about film. You will be sorely disappointed. Trust me. I expected to broaden my knowledge about the under-rated art form, and instead was reminded why I hold steadfast to the conviction that some people shouldn't be able to procriate.

5 stars out of 5 brilliance
Perry Mills is a genius. He will be the first to admit it, too. His book will be the second. This is not so much a scholarly recitation of movie plots, but an exegesis on the ideas encompassed by some of the most brilliant films of all times. This is one of those books where, after reading it, you are left wondering how it has ever gone out of print and why it isn't on every bookshelf in America.

Your homework: find me other reviews of the book! (Unless you're too busy procriating.)

Results 1 - 10 of about 7,720,000 for facist. (0.06 seconds) Did you mean: fascist?